Wednesday, August 12, 2009

- LEL@KI B@NGS@T.......!!! -

Seorang gadis berusia 20-an menemui Dr. FAIZUL,
seorang doktor pakar jiwa.......

Gadis : "Doktor, saya merasa amat marah pada kekasih saya
sehingga saya memanggilnya lelaki bangsat. Ada kalanya
saya rasa dia keterlaluan, dan ada kalanya pula saya rasa
memang patut saya memanggil dia seperti itu..."

Doktor : "Hmm... panggilan itu memang hinaan yg agak melampaui
batas untuk seseorang.. tapi, mungkin kamu punya sebab tersendiri
memangilnya demikian. Ceritakanlah kpd saya agar saya dapat membantu.."

Gadis : "Ya memang ada.. pada satu malam kami berduaan dalam keta
di tepi pantai.Dia pegang tangan saya."

Doktor : "Dia pegang tangan kamu seperti ini?" dr Faizul memberi contoh.

Gadis : "Ya. seperti yg doktor lakukan"

Doktor : "Kalau hanya ini, tidak sepatutnya dia dipanggil bangsat.
Itu tandanya dia tidak mau berpisah dgn kamu..."

Gadis : "Kemudian dia merapatkan badannya kepada saya dan memeluk
bahu saya......"

Doktor : "Dia lakukan seperti inikah?"

Gadis : "Ya.. seperti inilah dia peluk saya doktor.."

Doktor : "Itu bukan bangsat, itu tandanya dia mau sentiasa berdampingan dgn kamu" kata dr Faizul.

Gadis : "Kemudian dia cium saya."

Doktor : "Dia cium kamu seperti ini?"

Gadis : "Ya. Ciumannya sama seperti yg doktor lakukan."

Doktor : "Kalau sekadar ciuman seperti ini, masih belum boleh dipanggil
bangsat, itu tandanya dia sayang kamu, kan ?"

Gadis : "Kemudian dia memasukkan tangannya kedalam baju saya & meraba2 saya doktor.."

Doktor : "Dia lakukan seperti ini kah?"

Gadis : "Ya, seperti yg doktor lakukan inilah cara dia memperlakukannya. ."

Doktor : "Itu bukan bangsat, itu tandanya dia mau membelai diri kamu.."

Gadis : "Kemudian dia menanggalkan semua pakaian saya satu persatu.."

Doktor : "Adakah kamu membantah tindakannya? "
Gadis : "Tidak, saya merelakannya sebab saya sayang dia.."

Doktor : "Dia tanggalkan pakaian kamu seperti ini ?"

Gadis : "Ya, sampai saya telanjang bulat seperti ini doktor..."

Doktor : "Itu masih belum layak dipanggil bangsat, kerana dia
sememang ingin mengenali diri kamu sepenuhnya"

Gadis : "Kemudian dia mencumbui saya lalu melakukan hubungan seksual dgn saya ..."


(selepas seketika.... )


Doktor : "Dia lakukan seperti yg kita lakukan tadi kah?"

Gadis : "Ya. Memang itulah yg dia lakukan ketika itu"

Doktor : "hmm, itu juga masih belum boleh dipanggil bangsat.
Itu tandanya dia memerlukan kamu kan?

Gadis : "Tapi kemudian dia memberitahu saya bahawa dia ada HIV positif"

Doktor : "HAH?? DIA..MEMANG .. BANGSAT!!..BANGSAAA TTT!!!!..
LELAKI BAAANGSAAAAAAAATTTT...DIA..MEMANG .. BANGSAT!!
BANGSAAA TTT GILER !!!!.....end

Monday, August 10, 2009

- Hibur@n Sejen@k -

SAPE HEBAT
Man : Bapa aku hebat. Dia polis. Semua orang takut ngan dia.
Ali : Eleh, bapa aku lagi terer. Kalau dia suruh orang tunduk,
mesti orang tu tunduk.
Man : Wow! Bapa kau keja apa?
Ali : Tukang gunting rambut.

KELAS BI
Ayah : Apasal B.I kamu nie asyik dapat kosong jer...!
Apasal hah?
Anak : Eh, ayah! Tu bukan kosong. Tadi cikgu adik dah kasi
bintang banyak kat bebudak lain. Ada dapat 5 bintang la,
4 bintang la. Bila turn adikjer, bintang dah abis.
Sebab tu cikgu bagi kat adik bulan.

SUDU
Doktor : Encik kena ambil 3 sudu ubat ni setiap hari.
Pesakit : Eh! tak boleh la doktor.
Doktor : Kenapa?
Pesakit : Rumah saya ada dua sudu jer.

MAYAT
Cikgu : Hasan,sambungkan 2 ayat ini menjadi satu.
'Ali menaiki basikal ke sekolah. Ali ternampak mayat.'
Hasan : Ali ternampak mayat menaiki basikal ke sekolah.

TIRU
Cikgu : Encik,anak awak didapati meniru Ali dalam exam.
Bapa : Apa bukti awak?
Cikgu : Encik tengok soalan nombor 4 nie. Siapakah menemui Pulau Pinang?
Seman tulis "Saya tak tahu"dan anak encik tulis
"Kalau engkau tak tahu, aku lagi la tak tahu".

DOKTOR
Suatu petang datang seorang lelaki berumur ke kelinik ENT ,
kerana telinganya di masuki biji kacang hijau semasa dia
membeli barang dapur di pasar.
Doktor : "Selamat petang..."
Pesakit : "Selamat petang Doktor!"
Doktor : " Ada masaalah apa .....?"
Pesakit : "Telinga saya dimasuki biji kacang hijau, Doktor..."
Doktor : "Biar saya periksa telinga anda!"

setelah diperiksa.......

Doktor : " Ada 2 cara untuk mengeluarkan biji tersebut..."
Pesakit : "Apa caranya doktor?"
Doktor : "Pembedahan kecil kosnya 2 ribu ringgit dan
pilihan kedua pula percuma..."
Pesakit : "Mahal sangat Doktor, kalau yang percuma bagaimana?"
Doktor : "Yang percuma kena sabar..."
Pesakit : "Baik, saya sabar, dan bagaimana caranya...?"
Doktor : "Anda sirami telinga anda 2 kali sehari dan nanti jika
sudah jadi tauge' anda tinggal tarik keluar."
Pesakit : "Huhu...

end...

Friday, August 7, 2009

- When @ Men . . . -

When a men is quiet,
He has nothing to say...

When a men is not arguing,
He not in the mood of arguing...

When a men look at u with eyes full of questions,

He is really confused...

When a men answers "i`m fine" after a few seconds,
He is actually fine...

When a men stares at you,

He is either amazed or angry...

When a men lay in your lap,
He is wishing for you to be his forever...

When a men calls you everyday,

He is spending a lot of time to get your attention...

When a men SMS`s you everyday,
He is forwarding them...

When a men says I LOVE YOU,
It`s not the first time...

When a men says that he can`t live without you,
He has made up his mind that you are his for at least a week...end

Thursday, August 6, 2009

- Saya Cintakan Awak -

Sepasang kekasih sedang memecut melebihi 100 km/jam di jalanraya.

Gadis : Perlahankanlah sikit moto nie..saya takut la..
Si Lelaki : Tak nak..bawak laju-laju macam nie ler seronok..
Gadis : Tak..tak seronok pun..tolonglah..saya takut sangat nie..
Si Lelaki : Kalau awak nak saya perlahankan motosikal nie..awak kena
kata awak cintakan saya dulu..
Gadis : Ok. Saya cintakan awak !
Si Lelaki : Ok..sekarang peluk saya kuat-kuat.

* Si Gadis Memeluk Lelaki tadi dengan erat *

Si Lelaki : Awak..boleh awak tolong tanggalkan topi keledar saya tak??
Kemudian pakaikan kat awak..Saya rasa tak selesa lah..

*************************************************
Dalam surat khabar keesokkan harinya :

Sebuah motosikal telah berlanggar dengan satu bangunan akibat kegagalan
fungsi brek.

Dua mangsa yang terlibat dalam kemalangan tersebut, dan hanya satu
daripada mereka terselamat.

*************************************************

Moral :

Kisah sebenarnya, semasa sedang menuruni jalan tersebut, Si Lelaki telah
mendapati yang brek motosikalnya tak berfungsi, tetapi dia tidak mahu
kekasihnya tahu. Sebaliknya, dia meminta kekasihnya tadi mengungkapkan
perkataan " Saya cintakan awak" dan merasakan dakapan terakhir
kekasihnya, dia juga memberikan topi keladernya kepada Si Gadis
mengharapkan kekasihnya itu selamat..walaupun itu bereti dia akan
terkorban.

Jadi sekiranya anda ada seseorang yang amat anda cintai dan ambil berat,
beritahu dia yang anda cintakannya.

Semoga kita masih punya waktu untuk mengucapkannya.......end

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

- AKTA 15 -

Sepasang kekasih yang sama-sama bekerja sebagai pekerja sosial.. Hamid dan Rosni selalu bersama walau kemana jua.. Suatu malam ketika mereka berdua keluar makan dan dating...

Hamid : "Kita nak kemana nie?
Rosni : "Tak kisah la.. mana-mana pun boleh"
Hamid : "Apa kata kalau kita ke pantai..
Rosni : "Ros ok aje.."

Apabila sampai dipantai mereka berdua tidak keluar dari kereta.. mereka hanya berehat sambil berbual-bual di dalam kereta.. Mulanya berbual biasa...lama- kelamaan topik perbualan mereka sudah semakin romantik dan berunsur memujuk dan merayu...

Hamid meletakkan tangannya di paha Rosni.. nampaknya Rosni tidak membantah dan selesa dengan usapan-usapan manja tangan Hamid itu.. Beberapa minit kemudian.. Hamid makin rancak menggerakkan tangannya beberapa inci ke atas menekap dan mengusap perut Rosni...

Rosni masih tidak membantah... . hinggalah akhirnya ketika Hamid menggerakkan tangannya beberapa inci lagi menghampiri buah dadanya..

Rosni berkata dengan sopan... "Abang Hamid.... ingatlah pada AKTA 15 dalam perlembagaan pekerja sosial"

Setelah mendengarkan teguran Rosni itu... Hamid terus menarik tangannya menjauhi Rosni... walaupun sebenarnya dia tidak berapa ingat isi kandungan akta 15 itu..

Hamid : "Maafkan abang, Ros"
Rosni : "Tak apa"

Lalu mereka beredar dari repian pantai itu untuk pulang... Selepas menghantar Rosni balik, Hamid terus mengambil haluan pulang. Setiba sahaja di rumah.. Hamid terus masuk ke bilik dan membuka buku perlembagaan pekerja sosial dan mencari Akta 15.. lalu dia membaca kandungannya. ..

"Teruskan Usahamu... Jangan Lakukan Separuh Jalan Sahaja"

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

- When @ Girl . . . -

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind...
When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply...
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around...
When a GIRL answers "i`m fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine...
When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying...
When a GIRL is lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever...
When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention...
When a GIRL sms`s you everyday,
She want you to reply at least once...
When a GIRL says I Love You,
She means it...
When a GIRL says that she can`t live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future...
When a GIRL says "i miss you"
No one in this world can miss you more than her...............end

Monday, August 3, 2009

- Love Till End -

He met her at a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised.They sat at a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought,please; let me go home.... suddenly he asked the waiter. "Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee." Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.She asked him curiously; why he had this hobby? He replied: "when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, and I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the saltycoffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much I miss my parents who are still living there". While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched. That was his true feelings, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can express his homesickness must be a man who loves his home, cares about home, and has responsibility for his home. Then she too started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found out that he actually was the man who met all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him! Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, and then they lived a happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.After 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: "My dearest please forgives me, forgive the lie of my life. This was the only lie I ever said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous that time, I actually wanted some sugar, but I said salt instead. It was too embarrassing for me to take back so I just went ahead I never thought that could be the start of our communication ! I tried to tell you the truth many times but I was too afraid to do so as I had promised never to lie to you about anything... Now I'm dying, I'm afraid of nothing so I am telling you the truth: I don't like salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. I have had to take the salty coffee for my whole life with you and never had to feel sorry for it because I did it for you. Having you with me is the biggest happiness in my entire life. If I could live a second time, I'd still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even if I if had to drink salty coffee again". Her tears made the letter totally wet. One day someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied. Love is not to forget but to forgive, not to see but to understand, not to hear but to listen, not to let go but to HOLD ON. Don't ever leave the one you love for the one you like, because the one you like will leave you for the one they love...end